“Your Daily Dose of Temporal Truth!”
Greetings, Citizens! We sat down with Warden Unit A7-99 of the Prime Meridian Peacekeeping Division to discuss how you can help keep the Vault the most harmonious place in history!
Tribunal: Warden, you always seem so... focused! What’s the secret to a safe sector? Unit 99: “Focus is a byproduct of logic. Logic dictates that Peace is Mandatory. My internal processors are currently at 98.4% capacity monitoring your heartbeats. Every thumping chest is a drum in the orchestra of Chronos.”
Tribunal: That’s so poetic! What are some "Quick Tips" for our new arrivals to avoid a stay in the Spire? Unit 99: “Avoidance of friction prolongs the life of the machine. Citizens should review the following Common Safety Violations to ensure their gears remain un-jammed:”
🚫 HOARDING CHRONOMETERS: Personal time-keeping devices cause "Temporal Anxiety." Only Chronos knows the true time. If you find a watch, please crush it or hand it to a Warden for incineration.
🚫 UNAUTHORIZED SILENCE: Thinking too quietly can be a sign of "Dissonant Contemplation." We recommend humming a cheery tune or reciting the Citizen’s Creed at all times. We are always listening—make sure we hear something happy!
🚫 LOITERING NEAR THE SPIRE: The Meridian Detention Spire has a very high-voltage aesthetic. Touching the walls may result in "Instant Molecular Disintegration".
🚫 EXIT-SEEKING BEHAVIOR: Asking "Where is the door?" or "How do I leave?" suggests a lack of gratitude. Why look for a door when you are already in the room of your dreams?
Tribunal: And what happens if a citizen just can't seem to get into the rhythm? Unit 99: “For the malfunctioning gear, we offer Permanent Re-Education. It is a restorative process that removes the ‘grit’ of rebellion. I am pleased to report that our Re-Education program has a 100% Satisfaction Rate. In ten centuries, not a single participant has ever returned to file a complaint. They simply... find a new purpose.”
Tribunal: Truly inspiring! Any final words for our readers? Unit 99: “Compliance is a lubricant. Be the oil, not the sand. I am currently behind you. Do not turn around; it wastes calories. Have a productive second.”
A Warden’s blue light means ‘I am helping!’ A Warden’s red light means ‘Your help is no longer required!’ Stay in the blue, Citizens!