Here is the d100 Table of Swamp Chaos & "Florida Man" Incidents.
These events are designed to be erratic, high-energy, and sweaty. In this region, logic has left the chat.
The Florida "Hold My Beer" Table (d100)
01-20: The Wildlife (Nature's Revenge)
* 01: Gator-Raid. An alligator kicks open a door wearing a backwards baseball cap and demands Gatorade.
* 02: A "Palmetto Bug" (roach) lands on a player's shoulder. It is the size of a shield and tries to buckle them into a saddle.
* 03: Iguana Rain. The temperature drops slightly. Frozen, rock-hard iguanas fall from the trees. (1d6 Bludgeoning damage).
* 04: A swarm of "Mosquito-Valkyries" descends. They are Imps riding giant bugs. They try to steal the players' blood to sell on the black market.
* 05: A python the size of a subway train is blocking the road. It has eaten a Honda Civic (you can see the shape).
* 06: A flamingo attacks. It is neon pink, plastic, but alive. Its beak is a lawn dart.
* 07: Shark-nado Warning. A small whirlwind touches down, throwing three confused sharks at the party.
* 08: A manatee floats by in a canal. It has "NO REGERTS" tattooed on its side.
* 09: A turtle snaps at a player. The turtle is actually a landmine in a shell.
* 10: A flock of seagulls dive-bombs the party. They don't want food; they want to steal the players' sunglasses.
* 11: A feral hog runs past at 60mph. It is being chased by a naked demon with a knife.
* 12: The grass is sawgrass. It makes chainsaw noises when you walk through it.
* 13: A possum hangs from a tree, screaming continuously. It doesn't stop even if you feed it.
* 14: A "Swamp Ape" (Skunk Ape) asks the party for a lighter. He smells like burning tires.
* 15: An armadillo rolls into a ball and bowls over the party like a bowling ball.
* 16: A catfish walks out of the water on legs, says "Glub," and punches a player in the shin.
* 17: Fire Ants. A mound of ants forms the shape of a person and challenges the Barbarian to a wrestling match.
* 18: A pelican tries to swallow a player's head. It fits.
* 19: The Spanish Moss on the trees is actually old, tangled hair. It tries to grab weapons.
* 20: A frog explodes. No damage, just gross.
21-40: The "Florida Man" Demons (Locals)
* 21: The Jorts Demon. A demon wearing jean shorts (jorts) challenges the party to a race. He is riding a lawnmower.
* 22: A demon is throwing frozen hamburgers at a police car.
* 23: Two demons are fencing using fluorescent light tubes they ripped out of a gas station ceiling.
* 24: A local asks the party to hold his beer. He then attempts to jump over a canal on a bicycle. He fails.
* 25: A "Meth-Mage" offers the party a potion. It is blue dish soap. He swears it grants flight.
* 26: A demon with a mullet made of fire tries to sell the party a "slightly used" catalytic converter.
* 27: A brawl breaks out over a lottery ticket. The ticket is for $2.
* 28: A demon is walking an alligator on a leash. The alligator is wearing a tutu.
* 29: Someone screams "DUUUVAL!" All demons within 1 mile must scream it back or take Psychic damage.
* 30: A demon tries to pay for an item with a handful of wet sand. He insists it is "Bitcoin."
* 31: A customized pickup truck drives by. It is lifted 10 feet in the air. The driver needs a ladder to get out.
* 32: A demon is fishing in a puddle in the parking lot. He catches a boot.
* 33: A "SoundCloud Rapper" imp tries to give you his mixtape. It is literally on fire.
* 34: A wedding is happening in the Waffle House parking lot. The bride is wearing camouflage.
* 35: A demon asks the party to help him move a couch. The couch is full of snakes.
* 36: A local accuses the sun of "looking at him funny" and shoots an arrow at it.
* 37: A demon wearing a "Salt Life" sticker on his forehead tries to recruit the party for a pyramid scheme.
* 38: A guy is mowing his roof. Not the lawn. The roof.
* 39: A demon lights a cigarette while pumping gas. The pump explodes, but he just walks away in slow motion.
* 40: Bath Salt Rage. A demon eats a handful of unknown crystals and gains +10 Strength but becomes blind.
41-60: The Environment (Weather & Hazards)
* 41: Humidity Wave. The humidity hits 300%. Players must make a CON save or their armor rusts instantly.
* 42: A sudden rainstorm floods the street waist-deep in 1 round. It drains 1 round later.
* 43: Red Tide. The air burns the lungs. Everyone coughs for 1d4 rounds (cannot use verbal spell components).
* 44: A sinkhole opens up. It reveals a subterranean rave.
* 45: A lightning bolt strikes the ground, fusing the sand into a glass sculpture of a middle finger.
* 46: The sun becomes "The Microwave." Metal armor deals 1d4 Fire damage to the wearer.
* 47: A hurricane named "Kyle" forms instantly. It only knocks over drywall.
* 48: The swamp water turns into Mountain Dew. It attracts bees.
* 49: A "Mud Bog" trap. A vehicle gets stuck. The only way to free it is to rev the engine until it explodes.
* 50: Pollen Tsunami. A yellow cloud descends. Visibility is 0. Sneezing alerts all enemies.
* 51: A billboard for a Personal Injury Lawyer falls on the party. The Lawyer crawls out of the wreckage and hands them a card.
* 52: The road melts. It becomes sticky tar. Movement speed halved.
* 53: A "Tornado Warning" siren blares, but it’s just a dubstep remix.
* 54: The moon turns neon orange. All "Florida Man" demons gain advantage on attacks.
* 55: A bridge is "Out." It has been stolen.
* 56: The air smells like sunscreen and regret.
* 57: A "Water Spout" (water tornado) picks up a boat and throws it at a building.
* 58: The ground is covered in "Sandspurs" (spiky burrs). 1 piercing damage per step if not wearing boots.
* 59: A cloud shaped like a grim reaper points at the party, then shrugs.
* 60: It starts raining golf balls.
61-80: Commercial & Tourism (The Attractions)
* 61: Waffle House Brawl. The party enters a diner. The staff immediately roll initiative.
* 62: A Theme Park mascot ("Micky the Molerat") tries to hug a player. It is a grapple check.
* 63: A "Tourist Trap" gift shop. The door locks behind you. You must buy a shell necklace to leave.
* 64: A line for a ride blocks the road. The ride is "The DMV Simulator." The wait is 400 minutes.
* 65: A "Timeshare" salesman traps the party in a conversation loop.
* 66: A Golf Cart Gang (elderly demons) does a drive-by with bingo daubers.
* 67: A hotel pool is filled with green slime. The sign says "pH Balanced."
* 68: A Fireworks Stand explodes. It looks beautiful.
* 69: Gas Station Sushi. A player eats it. Roll a d100. 1-99: Poisoned. 100: You become a God for 1 minute.
* 70: A mini-golf course comes to life. The windmill blades are sharp.
* 71: A "Spring Break" party blocks the beach. The floor is lava (vomit).
* 72: A billboard says "JESUS IS WATCHING." The Jesus on the billboard blinks.
* 73: A used car dealership is guarded by a wacky inflatable tube man that knows Kung Fu.
* 74: A flea market sells "Cursed Objects" for $5. (e.g., A doll that watches you sleep).
* 75: An airboat ride offers a tour. The driver is blindfolded.
* 76: A "Swim with the Dolphins" experience. The dolphins are sharks in costumes.
* 77: A bar has a sign: "We don't call 911." (Because 911 doesn't exist in Hell).
* 78: A motel room has a carpet that is so patterned it causes vertigo.
* 79: A "Buffet" offers "All You Can Regret" shrimp.
* 80: The "Epcot Ball" rolls down the street like the boulder in Indiana Jones.
81-100: Law, Order, & The Devils
* 81: The Punished Devil. A devil in a sweaty wool suit is crying on a bench. He asks for water.
* 82: A police car drives by with a bumper sticker: "I'm drunk too."
* 83: An Imp Judge holds court in a swamp. He sentences a gator to "Time Out."
* 84: A devil tries to issue a citation for "Public Nudity." The crowd laughs and throws tomatoes.
* 85: Stand Your Ground. A demon claims a parking spot is his sovereign nation. He has a flag.
* 86: The Sheriff is an alligator with a badge pinned to his chest scales.
* 87: A devil tries to organize a queue. The locals riot.
* 88: A "Check Point" checks if you have enough alcohol in your system. If not, you are fined.
* 89: Lucifer’s vacation home is here. It is boarded up with "KEEP OUT" spray-painted on it.
* 90: A devil begs the party to smuggle him back to the fiery pits of regular Hell. "It's too wet here!"
* 91: A lawyer commercial plays on the sky. "Injured? Good."
* 92: A demon claims to be the "King of Florida." He wears a crown of beer cans.
* 93: An HOA letter arrives by arrow. It complains about the party's "blood splatter" ruining the aesthetic.
* 94: The "State Trooper" is just a scarecrow in a uniform.
* 95: A devil tries to explain "Rules" to a Meth-Gator. The Gator eats the devil.
* 96: The Purge. A siren sounds. For 1 hour, nothing changes because it's always like this.
* 97: A devil collapses from heat stroke. He melts into a puddle of black goo.
* 98: A sign says "Speed Limit: Whatever."
* 99: The Governor (a massive blob demon) declares "Happy Hour" mandatory.
* 100: The Florida Man Ascendant. A local drinks a mix of gasoline, Red Bull, and Holy Water. He transcends reality and punches a hole in the sky, creating a portal to a random location.