Welcome to Hell: The Bureaucratic Abyss
So you made a few mistakes in life and ended up here. Welcome to the afterlife, which turns out to be a cosmic mistake of its own. This is not a fiery pit of biblical torment, but a "zany and humorous" parody of existence . It is a world where cosmic damnation meets corporate banality , designed to function like a toxic office environment or a customer service center run by sociopaths .
The landscape of Hell is not a contiguous continent. It is a shattered, chaotic abyss—a void of static and "System Errors"—where distinct biomes float like isolated islands of misery. These realms are disconnected, requiring dangerous and frustrating travel to move between them. The "rules" of this universe are based on illogical, arbitrary bureaucracy rather than morality .
The Transit System: "Terminal Velocity"
Because the realms are separated by the void, travel is handled through the Infernal Airport Authority. This is the connective tissue of the abyss and, arguably, the worst part of the entire experience.
* The Experience: Flights are always delayed, the seats are designed to be slightly too small for any anatomy, and the "In-Flight Movie" is a loop of people unboxing toys you can’t have.
* The Luggage: Checked bags are sent to a dimension known as "The Lost & Found," which is actually just an incinerator.
* The Cost: Tickets are purchased with Infernal Credits (the currency of misery) .
The Realms (The Islands of Torment)
1. Inferna Lux: The Island of "Brutalist Baroque"
This acts as the "Vegas" of Hell . It is a floating rock of unstable geology and moral bankruptcy .
* The Atmosphere: The island is locked in "Perpetual Twilight" at exactly 3:00 AM—the hour of bad decisions . The sky is a ceiling of smoggy clouds displaying low-resolution ads for things you don't need .
* The Power Source: The neon lights are powered by "The Vibe Grid," a network of copper wires under the streets that harvests the psychic energy of frustration (like stubbing a toe or waiting on hold) .
* Architecture: A clash of jagged obsidian spires covered in cheap, plastic LED cladding . The buildings defy physics, such as hotels with escalators that go down into solid walls .
* Key Locations:
* The Strip: Lit by gaudy neon signs for "The Eternity Buffet" and "The Bottomless Pit of Savings" .
* The Casinos: Places like "The House of 'Almost'," where blackjack always adds up to 22 , and "The Sunk Cost Fallacy," a golden pyramid you cannot leave until you spend 50% more than intended .
2. Pandemonium D.C.: The Island of "Monumental Ego"
This is the grey, stuffy seat of the Infernal Government . It is an island of "Power and Gridlock" rather than indulgence .
* The Atmosphere: It is always a humid, grey Tuesday afternoon . The air is filled with the sound of distant sirens that never get closer and the whispers of lobbyists .
* The Architecture: Neoclassical structures made of bone and grey marble, designed to make the individual feel small .
* Government:
* Lucifer "Lou" Morningstar: The President. He is a "Slick Willy" politician who plays the saxophone and gaslights the population with a slimy charisma . He sets bills on fire instead of signing them .
* The Legislature: A bicameral nightmare designed to ensure nothing gets done . The Senate (Devils) engages in "Eternal Filibuster" , while the House (Demons) represents special interest groups like "The Coalition for Wet Socks" .
* The Judicial Branch: The Supreme Court is run by "High Imps" who are forced to wear speedos or bikinis due to a "transparency" prank by Lucifer . They hand out sentences like 1,000 years of tech support for jaywalking .
3. San Diablos: The Island of "Toxic Wellness"
The West Coast capital of vanity and superficiality . This realm is a parody of the California dream and influencer culture .
* The Atmosphere: Blinded by "Perpetual Sunshine" . It is always 5:00 PM "Golden Hour," but the light is a nuclear glare that deals Radiant damage if you don't wear sunglasses .
* The Culture: The religion is "Self-Care," but here, self-care is torture . Residents are on eternal "Cleanses" drinking green juice that tastes like lawn clippings .
* Geography:
* The 404 Freeway: A twenty-lane highway where traffic never moves .
* Venom Beach: The ocean is boiling acidic Gatorade, and the sand is scorching hot .
* Holly-Weird: Features a sign that has been on fire for 50 years and a "Walk of Shame" listing people who failed auditions .
4. Florida: The Island of "Glitch & Chaos"
The Devils didn't build this island; it just... manifested . It is the "PVP Zone" of Hell .
* The Atmosphere: "Wet Heat" and Chaos . Humidity is 200%, the air is thick enough to chew, and the smell is a mix of sulfur and deep-fryer grease .
* Physics: Gravity is a suggestion. Cars may float because drivers are high on "Swamp Salts" .
* The Wildlife: Nature is spiteful. This realm features "Gator-Zillas" (alligators the size of buses) and cockroaches the size of skateboards that explode into slime .
* Key Locations:
* The Tragic Kingdom: A theme park parody where animatronics scream conspiracy theories .
* Vice City: A neon coast with "Red Tide" water that burns and sharks with legs .
The Corporate Hierarchy
The inhabitants of these realms are locked in a strict caste system:
1. Devils (The Management)
These are not fallen angels, but a native species of Hell—the "Quality Assurance" department that walked out on Heaven because they preferred order over Free Will .
* Role: The corrupt, bureaucratic administrators .
* Appearance: They look like "Photoshopped Supermodels" with "Uncanny Valley" features . They are physically flawless, but their smiles are too wide and they don't blink enough .
* Personality: They treat torture like a mundane corporate task . They are obsessed with "The Aesthetic" and mimic human behavior based on reality TV .
2. Demons (The Workforce)
These are the damned human souls . They retain their memories but are physically transformed by "The Soul Press," a machine that violently molds them into new shapes based on their sins .
* Role: The residents and workers engaged in pointless tasks .
* Appearance: Defined by the "Caste System of Form."
* High Rollers: Human-adjacent and fashionable .
* Thematics: Visual puns of their sins (e.g., Gluttons made of grease) .
* Mascots: Low-tier souls who look like bootleg Muppets .
* Physiology: Their bodies fight them. Clothing never fits right, and they shed constantly .
3. Imps (The Pests)
Imps are Demons who were "recalled" and demoted for being too annoying or unhinged .
* Origin: They are put through a "Compactor" that reduces their mass by 80% but keeps their personality at 100% .
* Traits: They are pressurized vessels of chaos that vibrate constantly . They are rubbery and durable (cartoon physics) .
* Status: They have no rights and are sold as pets or "Novelty Items" at stores like "Imp Depot" . They function as living staplers or purse dogs for high-ranking Devils .