Here is the d100 Table of Political Gridlock & Bureaucratic Nightmares for Pandemonium D.C.
These events emphasize the crushing weight of government, the absurdity of the legal system, and the slick, corporate evil of the capital.
The Pandemonium D.C. Encounter Table (d100)
01-20: The Red Tape (Bureaucracy & Permits)
* 01: The Checkpoint. A toll booth requires a "Walking Permit." If players don't have one, they are directed to a line that is 3 miles long.
* 02: A gust of wind blows a cloud of shredded documents into the party’s faces. The papercuts deal 1 damage.
* 03: A notary public (a floating eyeball) demands the players notarize their weapons. It costs 50 credits and a drop of spit.
* 04: The sidewalk is closed for "Legislative Review." Players must walk in the mud.
* 05: A gargoyle falls off a building, landing in front of the party. It hands them a citation for "Loitering near a falling object."
* 06: A siren blares. All pedestrians must freeze for a "Moment of Silence" for a Senator’s dead goldfish.
* 07: A demon bureaucrat stamps a player's forehead with "PENDING." The ink doesn't wash off for a week.
* 08: The street signs change language to "Legalese." (e.g., "Stop" becomes "Cease Movement Pursuant to Section 4").
* 09: A mailbox spits a letter back out at a player. It’s a jury duty summons for a trial that happened 200 years ago.
* 10: An automatic door refuses to open because the players "don't look official enough."
* 11: A form flies into a player's face. It is Form 88-B: Request to Remove Paper from Face.
* 12: The gravity in the district increases by 10% due to the "Heaviness of the Situation."
* 13: A calendar on a wall rapidly flips pages, aging a player's clothing by 10 years (it becomes moth-eaten).
* 14: A queue for a coffee cart blocks the entire street. The coffee is free, but you have to sign a waiver.
* 15: A Sinkhole of "Lost Paperwork" opens up. It smells like old toner.
* 16: A player’s shoes are fined for being "loud."
* 17: The air turns grey. Visibility is reduced by "The Fog of War."
* 18: A statue of a famous Devil weeps oil. A sign says "Do Not Touch the Bureaucratic Tears."
* 19: A player is mistaken for an intern and handed a stack of coffee orders for 12 Archdevils.
* 20: The party enters a "Filibuster Zone." They cannot leave the 10ft square until they listen to a 5-minute speech.
21-40: The Legislative Branch (Senate & Congress)
* 21: A motorcade of black SUVs drives by. The windows are tinted, but you can hear someone screaming inside.
* 22: Two Senators (Devils) are having a duel in the street using only insults.
* 23: A Congressman (Demon) is thrown out of a window. He lands, dusts himself off, and goes back inside.
* 24: A bill passes banning the color Blue. All blue items in the party’s inventory turn beige.
* 25: A lobbyist tries to bribe the Paladin/Cleric with a "Get Out of Hell Free" card (it is obviously fake).
* 26: A riot breaks out. The protesters are demanding "More Taxes!" (They are masochist demons).
* 27: A Senator’s aide (an exhausted Imp) asks the party to hide a "smoking gun" (literally a gun that won't stop smoking).
* 28: The Capitol Dome rotates 180 degrees for no reason.
* 29: A leak from the Senate building floods the street with "Hot Air" (steam damage).
* 30: A political campaign bus runs a red light. It has a loudspeaker playing a lie on loop.
* 31: The party is polled by a floating clipboard. "Do you approve of President Morningstar’s haircut? Yes or Yes?"
* 32: A "Scandal" breaks. Newspapers rain from the sky revealing a Senator ate a baby (the scandal is that he didn't cook it properly).
* 33: A Congress-Demon asks the party to punch him in the face so he can sue his opponent for assault.
* 34: A law is repealed. Suddenly, gravity works sideways for 1 round.
* 35: A massive shredder truck drives by, destroying evidence.
* 36: A Senator tries to shake hands with a player and steals a ring (Sleight of Hand +10).
* 37: The "National Debt" clock on a building explodes, showering the street in sparks.
* 38: A secret service agent tackles a player because they "looked suspicious" (they sneezed).
* 39: A "Gridlock" occurs. Pedestrians interlock arms and refuse to let anyone pass for 1 hour.
* 40: A bill becomes a law. The scroll grows legs and runs away screaming.
41-60: The Judicial Branch (The Imp Courts)
* 41: The Streaker. An Imp Judge in a thong runs by, chasing a defendant with a gavel.
* 42: A verdict is read over the loudspeakers: "Guilty of being Tacky!" A random NPC explodes.
* 43: The Supreme Court steps out for a smoke break. It’s nine angry Imps in leather harnesses smoking cigars.
* 44: A lawyer asks the party to serve as witnesses. He doesn't care what they saw; he just needs bodies.
* 45: A "Hung Jury" (a jury of starving ghouls) tries to eat the defendant.
* 46: An Imp Judge demands a player give him their shirt because "It's chilly in the courtroom."
* 47: A Decree is posted: "All tall people must walk on their knees on Tuesdays."
* 48: A legal loophole opens a portal to a void beneath the sidewalk.
* 49: An Imp in a bikini fines the party for "Public Decency."
* 50: A sentencing hearing is held on the street. The punishment is "To be tickled for 100 years."
* 51: A massive gavel falls from the sky, crushing a hotdog stand.
* 52: A swarm of paralegal Imps attacks, throwing business cards that deal 1 slashing damage.
* 53: A Judge rides a Hellhound like a pony, screaming "Order! Order!"
* 54: The scales of justice tip over. A building tilts 30 degrees.
* 55: A player is held in "Contempt of Court" because they rolled a 1 on a skill check.
* 56: The Supreme Court Imps get into a slap-fight over a parking spot.
* 57: A "Writ of Habeas Corpus" crawls out of a sewer (it’s an undead corpse holding a writ).
* 58: An Imp Judge demands a piggyback ride to the courthouse.
* 59: A law book falls on a player's head. It is Volume 403: Minor Infractions.
* 60: The Imps go on strike. They are demanding smaller chairs.
61-80: Lobbyists, Media & Corporate Corruption
* 61: The Paparazzi. A swarm of flying cameras surrounds the party, blinding them with flashbulbs.
* 62: A lobbyist in a suit made of hundred-dollar bills tries to buy a player's soul for 5 bucks.
* 63: A news anchor is reporting live. He interviews a player and twists their words into a confession of treason.
* 64: A "Think Tank" rolls by. It is a literal tank driven by brains in jars.
* 65: A corporate merger happens nearby. Two buildings smash into each other and fuse.
* 66: A devil asks the party to sign a petition. The text is microscopic. It grants him power of attorney.
* 67: A "Spin Doctor" spins a player around until they are dizzy (Constitution Save).
* 68: A 24-hour news ticker scrolls across the sky: "BREAKING: EVERYTHING IS FINE. STOP ASKING."
* 69: A bribe is left on a park bench. It’s a bag of donuts, but the donuts are filled with spiders.
* 70: A corporation buys the air rights. Players must pay 1 credit per breath or hold their breath.
* 71: A focused group of zombies blocks the way, rating the players' outfits on a scale of 1-10.
* 72: A scandalous photo of a player (photoshopped) appears on a billboard.
* 73: A "Whistleblower" (a demon with a whistle for a head) runs by screaming.
* 74: A Tax Collector tries to tax the players' loot.
* 75: A Ponzi Scheme Wizard tries to recruit the party into his "downline."
* 76: A "Golden Parachute" deploys. A CEO jumps off a building and floats gently down while money rains from his pockets.
* 77: The stock market crashes. A literal stock ticker falls on the street.
* 78: A bus advertisement targets a specific player’s insecurity.
* 79: A lobbyist offers a player a "Cabinet Position" (literally turning them into a kitchen cabinet).
* 80: The "Fake News" monster attacks (a golem made of newspapers).
81-100: Executive Privilege (Lucifer & The Elite)
* 81: The Presidential Jog. Lucifer jogs by, surrounded by Secret Service. He points at the party, winks, and says, "Looking sharp, aces!"
* 82: A drone strike hits a pigeon 10 feet away.
* 83: The Eternal Flame at a monument goes out. A janitor lights it with a Bic lighter.
* 84: A black helicopter hovers silently over the party for 1 hour.
* 85: A "State Dinner" is being held on the street. Players are shooed away by waiters.
* 86: Lucifer’s saxophone solo echoes through the city. Everyone must make a Wis save or stop to listen.
* 87: A "Pardon" blows in the wind. It pardons a chicken for crossing the road.
* 88: The players find a "Nuclear Football." It is just a Nerf football painted black.
* 89: A statue of Lucifer turns to look at the players, then looks back.
* 90: The secret service clears the street. A tiny dog walks down the middle. It is the President's dog.
* 91: A sniper dot appears on a player's chest. It stays there for 10 minutes then vanishes. Pranked.
* 92: A limousine stops. The window rolls down. Smoke billows out. Someone asks, "Do you have any Grey Poupon?"
* 93: An executive order freezes time for 6 seconds.
* 94: The White House (which is actually Obsidian Black) changes color to Hot Pink for breast cancer awareness.
* 95: Lucifer is seen eating a taco at a food truck. He spills salsa on his tie and laughs charismatically.
* 96: A Secret Service agent whispers into his wrist: " The package is ugly. I repeat, the package is ugly." He is looking at the Bard.
* 97: A red carpet unrolls under the players' feet, leading into a wall.
* 98: The "Glass Ceiling" physically cracks above the players. Shards fall down.
* 99: Campaign Season. Confetti rains from the sky. It is made of razor blades.
* 100: The Veto. A player rolls a Nat 20 on something cool. Lucifer appears holographically and says "Veto." The roll becomes a Nat 1.