"The King" (Real Name: Unknown)
The tiny, vibrating officiant of "The Graceland of Grief."
I. Appearance: "Blue Suede Hooves"
He is a standard "Utility Imp" model—boxy and dense—but customized with aggressive commitment to the bit.
* The Hair: He sports a massive, jet-black pompadour that constitutes about 40% of his total body mass. It is rock-hard (possibly calcified hairspray) and doubles as a helmet if he gets thrown.
* The Outfit: He wears a white, bedazzled jumpsuit that is tragically too tight for his compressed frame. The sequins are actually shards of broken mirror that reflect the "Perpetual Twilight" into people's eyes, blinding them during the ceremony.
* The Stance: Because Imps "vibrate constantly", his attempt to stand still results in a perpetual, high-speed hip gyration that he claims is his signature dance move.
II. The "Voice" & Mannerisms
* The Helium Baritone: Imps have vocal cords compressed by the Soul Press, making them sound like they inhaled helium. "The King" tries to combat this by speaking in a deep, breathy southern drawl. The result sounds like a chipmunk talking into a slow-motion fan.
* The catchphrases: He ends every sentence with "Thankyouverymuch," but due to his impish ADHD, it often comes out as a single, high-pitched squeak: "Do you take this demon to be your lawfully wedded misery? Squeak!"
III. The Ambiguity: Is it really him?
The core joke is that in a world of "Illogical, arbitrary bureaucracy", it is entirely possible that Elvis was "compacted" into an Imp for a clerical error, or that this is just a delusional fan.
* Evidence He IS The King:
* The Soul Press Theory: He claims he wasn't "bad" enough to be a full Demon but was too "chaotic" for Heaven, so the Soul Press "compacted" him to contain his raw charisma.
* The Knowledge: He knows unsettlingly specific details about the 1968 Comeback Special and gets violently angry if anyone mentions "impersonators," calling them "soul-less hacks" (ironic, considering where he is).
* The Power: Once, during a blackout of The Vibe Grid, he sang "Amazing Grace" and the neon lights flickered back on. (Or maybe a technician just fixed it at that exact moment).
* Evidence He is Just Delusional:
* The Diet: He demands payment in "Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwiches," but being a Hell creature, he eats them with the crusts, the plate, and the napkin included.
* The "Imp" Nature: He displays the "Anti-Trope Reflex" typical of Imps. If a wedding vow becomes too sentimental or cliché, he will instinctively throw a brick at the bride, screaming, "Too mushy, baby! Let's rock!"
IV. The "Vows" Service
He offers three tiers of weddings for Infernal Credits:
* The "Hound Dog" (Cheap): He marries you in 30 seconds while eating a sandwich.
* The "Jailhouse Rock" (Standard): He performs the ceremony while handcuffed to the couple (he lost the key).
* The "Burning Love" (Premium): He officiates the wedding while actively on fire (he claims it's "pyrotechnics," but he just stood too close to a heat lamp).
Sample Dialogue:
> "Alright, listen up you beautiful disasters. We are gathered here in the sight of the neon glow and the smoggy clouds to join these two in... whatever this is. Do you, [Player Name], promise to love, cherish, and tolerate this demon's snoring for all of eternity, or until your contract expires? And do you promise not to step on my blue suede hooves? Speak now, or I'm gonna throw this microphone at you. Thankyouverymuch!"
>