Europa Occidilantis

A male Folklorekin village fool with patchy ginger strands matted with egg yolk and crow feathers, mismatched eyes (one pale green, the other milky white), hunched spine, spindly limbs, jaundiced skin pocked with self-inflicted "royal sigils," and a crude fleur-de-lis scar on his forehead. He wears a patchwork cloak of burlap and stolen altar cloths, a crown of twigs and crow bones, and has no shoes, with feet blackened and calloused from wandering.

Speaks in rhyming gibberish he calls "the tongue of angels" + wears a dead crow as a hat (replaced annually) + hoards snail shells as "crown jewels" + believes rain is God’s spit and drinks it with cupped hands. Goals: To be buried in the churchyard under a monument shaped like a giant snail. Depravity: Drinks his own urine to "reclaim the divine spark" and licks rusted nails to "taste the blood of kings."

Born to a brother and sister who kept their lineage "pure" to avoid tainting "royal blood" they believed flowed in their veins. At 7, declared himself "King of the Vale" after eating a hallucinogenic mushroom. The village humored him, crowning him with a dead crow and a rusted horseshoe. Now "rules" from his pigsty, holding "court" for stray dogs and drunken peasants. Collects teeth from roadkill, claiming they’re "tributes" from his "vassals." Once tried to baptize a stillborn calf in the village well, resulting in a three-day brawl.