“A feast should feel like a festival — even if it’s just lunch.” — Porky Darl
Filed Under: HavenReach Culinary Guild Registry — Master Caterer License #001
When Porky Darl caters an event, it stops being an event and becomes a legend.
His catering menu is intentionally simple in variety but overwhelming in quality, relying on:
meats hunted personally,
produce grown in his private greenhouse,
and recipes so old he claims they’re “older than the first war.”
This menu is famous across HavenReach, Silvervale, and even Arkos — often called:
“The Feast of Seven Kingdoms”
(because seven creatures die for the meatloaf alone)
A towering loaf made from seven Veridian and Xratinian-region beasts — each chosen for texture, fat balance, and flavor depth.
Veridian Stoneback Boar – dense, mineral-rich meat with charcoal undertones
Cloudgrazer Skysheep – soft, sweet fat marbled through lean cuts
Mammoth (Southern Ridgebreed) – robust, iron-heavy flavor
Wild Veridia Elk – tangy, aromatic, forest-bright meat
Thornback Lizard – soft white meat with a citrus tang
Jungle Strider Fowl – rich, oily bird meat akin to prehistoric duck
Xratinian Ironhorn Ox – extremely lean, intensely beefy protein
Formed into a loaf weighing no less than 18 pounds, glazed with:
volcanic honey
cracked ember pepper
roasted garlic ash
fire-bark-smoked ketchup
When sliced, the cross-section shows seven distinct strata, each a different beast.
The Mighty Meatloaf doesn’t taste like a single dish — it tastes like the entire food chain. Each layer hits differently, from the delicate sweetness of the Skysheep to the thunderous mammoth richness.
Grown entirely in Porky’s private hybrid greenhouse — a patch of Veridia biome soil transported illegally into Silvervale.
Ingredients:
sky-lettuce (ultra-crisp, high-water leaves)
mist-peppers (sweet heat, no burn)
bloodroot carrot shavings (ruby red, sweet as candy)
glass-cucumber (clear flesh, watery crunch)
soulfruit vinaigrette (from a fruit that shifts flavor depending on the eater’s mood)
Notes: This salad is extremely popular with SVPD officers because it “doesn’t weigh you down during a chase.”
Darlfruit is a biological miracle:
a grafted hybrid of
peach
plum
strawberry
grown through old-world horticulture, not modern biotech.
The fruit tastes:
sweet like strawberry
juicy like peach
tart like plum
The cobbler is baked in giant tin trays with:
brown sugar-butter crumble
a crust that’s halfway between cake and biscuit
warm syrup that glows faint red from Darlfruit coloring
Warm. Nostalgic. Reverent.
The first bite feels like childhood.
The second bite feels like sin.
A massive tin chest (Porky refuses to call it a tray) filled with:
triple-cheese blend
butter-crisped top layer
mammoth-fat béchamel
smoked salt
garlic crunch crumbles
spiral pasta (so the sauce clings like loyalty)
Serves 40 normal people
or 8 SVPD officers
or 1 Xratinian knight with a good appetite
A deep, smoky malt beverage brewed from Veridian barley and honey.
Tastes like autumn and campfire stories.
Electric blue, sparkling, and very sweet.
Made from sky-citrus grown on mountain terraces.
Perfect for youth events, school parties, or SVPD celebrations.
Created from glacial leaves harvested from Thaloras.
Served chilled.
Tastes clear, cold, and slightly numbing.
Pairs beautifully with meat.
Porky doesn’t “cater.”
He deploys.
His food arrives in:
insulated metal tins
portable cast-iron racks
embossed crates with Cloudlight logos
He personally oversees plating.
If the event involves SVPD or FID staff, he also provides:
emergency rations
high-protein snack slabs
caffeine bricks
Families, schools, corporate gatherings.
Porky is friendly, loud, hilarious.
He switches to military mode.
Meals scaled to officer caloric needs.
Extra protein, fewer carbs.
He brings backup staff.
Every item is scanned, sealed, and microtagged for security.
He refuses payment.
Only asks for a story of battle in exchange.